The Start of it all...

My husband and I were married in 2007. In March 2008 we decided to start trying for our first child.  I was put on clomid in May 2008, because I have anovulatory cycles.  Much to my surprise, I was pregnant that first month!  We were over the moon excited, I was dizzy when I stood up at the doctors office and in pure shock! We began to research pregnancy, I cut out all sodas and picked healthier food options. I followed all the rules to a T and was doing everything I could to make our baby perfect.

In July 2007, we had our first ultrasound and saw a beautiful fluttering heart beat.  I went shopping afterwards and bought a "Baby's first St. Patricks day shirt"  on clearance at Babies R Us.  The weeks ticked by and we had another u/s the end of July showing a beautiful baby growing away.

On 8/4/04, the unexpected happened though.  At 14 weeks our routine ultrasound showed our baby had passed.  The still image of the ultrasound screen is still visible to me today as if it were yesterday. My husband wasn't with me and I just remember holding the phone crying unable to inform him. I gave my mother the phone and she told him, he arrived at the doctors office about 30 min later.  The doctor told me I would need a D&C to remove the baby.  I elected to have it done that Friday.  She told me she would send the remains off to pathology to get some answers for us.   In the days between the u/s and he D&C date I remained numb. I hid all the "What to Expect when your expecting" books in the closet and anything else that reminded me of the pregnancy.  The following day my husbands desk calendar had a quote that I do believe was divine message for us in our time of turmoil " "Because Gods' sovereignty is in control, accidents are just incidents in God's good plan for you. Because everyday of your life was written on God's calendar before you were born, everything that happens to you has spiritual significance. Everything."