Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Do other people get it?

No. Until you raise a child with delays, you can't possibly fathom what it's like.  Do I feel like a failure daily ? Pretty much. I realize now after having 2 other children, that it wasn't anything to do with me.  I do feel I made some inaccurate decisions for him.

Things I would have changed :
1) Delayed Vaccinations
2) Kept him in Moms Morning Out

3) I would have put off having my 2nd (and 3rd) child.  Although the girls keep me sane and have helped me realize it wasn't my "parenting" that created this. It would have been easier to afford the things Lincoln needs and also give him more 1 on 1 time.
4)Kept him on a GFCF diet back in April instead of giving up after 2 weeks.
5. Would have soaked up how he was between 0-18 months.

I do feel having a child with delays makes you appreciate the small things.  I appreciate when Lincoln says "momma" like he did today and yesterday (YAY!!)  I appreciate when he comes to me for things, even if it's to just push him on the swing.  People tell me "When he does start talking you will want him to be quiet." I can tell you now there will NEVER be a moment where I will want that. I've lived in silence for 3 years waiting on my son to talk.  You expect your child to talk at around 18 months, but it never came for us.  I expected to be able to do all the fun things the Christmas season has to offer with a functional speaking 3 year old, but it didn't happen again this year.  I catch myself saying "Hopefully next year we can."  Then the next year comes and it's not feasible again.   When other kids his age are picking out a costume and trick or treating, my son can't tell me what he wants to be, or say Trick or treat.  When other kids are saying what they are thankful for on thanksgiving, my child can't.  When your child is getting so excited over Santa coming and telling you everything he wants, Lincoln doesn't.  Worst of all is on Valentines day when children are saying how much they love their parents, my child doesn't. I've never heard I love you from my almost 3 1/2 year old son.  Lucky for me he shows it in every way he physically can at this point.

So in conclusion to that very drab/honest paragraph, no people don't get it.  People don't think about the small things I have yet to experience with my son.  I'm still waiting and I wont give up. I'm his mother because I'm a fighter.  I will fight until the day I die for this boy and I will do whatever it takes to bring him out of this trap he is in. Our family may not be like yours and that's ok. We are doing what works for us, so don't judge our parenting and choices based on what worked for YOUR family. Everything is altered and it's a totally different ballgame.  Lincoln is mine and I love him for all the things he is , even the nonverbal part.  He is more than what I expected and I love him more than what I expected.  He is mine for a reason and as beat down as I get some days, I know I'm the right lady for the job.  <3

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