Friday, December 7, 2012

Hospitalization for Lincoln and a Change in me

In September 2012. Lincoln came down with a cold.  One night he started having trouble breathing, so I gave him a breathing treatment. He continued to do fine through the night and that morning I was awoken by his cough.  I got him out of bed and started a breathing treatment on him.  He finished the treatment and still continued to struggle. He was retracting and very pale.  I gave it about 20 more min, but there was no change.  I called my dad to come over to watch my little ladies and Lincoln and I headed to the ER.

Driving to the ER I was very worried about him. He continued to cough and clear his throat  Upon arrival they checked his SAT and it was 94.   We went to a room and he just laid on the bed, lethargic like.  This wasn't my little boy.  My Lincoln is very active!  My Lincoln wouldn't stay on a hospital gurney for more than 2 seconds ! This Lincoln was blank, quiet other than random coughs and allowed the nurses to evaluate him with pretty much 0 fight.  We were in luck that there was a nursing student with the nurse today (**eye roll! ** I know that everyone needs to learn, but really do you have to practice on my little boy?!)  The doctor said that he had a very bad double ear infection. I had 0 clue his ears were hurting him! This is what happens when your child can't communicate with you.  It's heart wrenching to know he was hurting so bad and unable to tell me. I'm his mother, I'm suppose to be able to protect him, care for him, and nurture him, and I'm failing.  

They gave Lincoln 2 shots and the nursing student pulled the shot out halfway through, then proceeded to stick him for a 3rd time :(.  My mamma bear claws were about to come out!  They left and Lincoln was still out of it.  We did another breathing treatment and the nurse came in to discharge us.  She starts the discharge paper work and I just kept thinking this isn't right! I watched as she was typing furiously on the keyboard and then looked at my very sick little boy still retracting and struggling to breath.  What do I do? I finally asked her say " he is still retracting. " She says nothing.  I then proceed to pull up his shirt as said more firmly " He is still struggling to breath, look. This is retracting correct? "  She huffed and replied " He's going to be alright , he has had a breathing treatment, he has had 2 shots, your going home with an antibiotic and steroids. HE WILL BE ALRIGHT."  At this time I'm in shock , because I know my little boy IS NOT ALRIGHT!!! She was about to check him out and I asked " Are you going to check his SAT again before we leave?"  She apparently thought it had already been done.  She returns with an adult finger grip SAT monitor. I reply " He doesn't do well with that , he will need a pediatric one to get a good reading. "  She proceeds to put the adult finger grip on his small, very pediatric finger.  I watched closely as the numbers appear 96,95,94. "We'll say 96, she says as she takes the monitor off. THIS ISN"T RIGHT!!! We are checking out and Lincoln and I are walking to the car. By the time we reach the car Lincoln is struggling to the point of putting his head on the car out of breath.  I put him in and drove across the street to his pediatrician's office who had just opened for the day.

At the pediatrician they checked his SAT and it was 92.  By this time he is very glazed and out of it. We were given another breathing treatment and it brought him up to 93.  The pediatrician then admitted us to the hospital. This felt like doing the right thing . He is a very sick little boy and needed help.  We were their for 2 or 3 days, it's a blur now.  He did awesome and was on the mend! His SAT still barely got over 95 at night, but through round the clock breathing treatments and the antibiotics coursing through his body, we were released that Saturday.

Watching Lincoln go through all of this, being by his bedside unable to sleep , gave me a different perspective. Watching the SAT monitor as it dropped through the night as I gritted my teeth in fear waiting for the next breathing treatment , gave me a lot to think about.
1) I love this little boy with ALL my heart!
2) We have to make a change to prevent future instances like this.
3) My mothers instinct is rocking :)
4) God gave me this child and all the challenges he has. Lincoln is the child I was meant to mother.  I lost my first son, because obviously Lincoln was meant for me.
5) I have to stop dwelling on what all he can't do and focus on what he CAN do!

6) I have to bring him back to me! 

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