Friday, December 7, 2012

Now we're up to speed

So now to sum up my crazy first 3 years of parenting.

Speech delays, Allergies, Eczema, Asthma, and the looming thought of Autism in my son, that is the what we've been battling the last 3 years.   At his 3 year check up the pediatrician finally said the "A" word.  Yes I had thought it millions of times before and been petrified about it, but now it was reality.  He asked about testing him and I said I  wanted to wait 1 year for him to be in a social school environment. From July to September , I shut down my relationship with my son. Unsure if shut down is the appropriate wording, but we'll go with it.

During July-September I felt as though I was a failure.  I researched what could have gone wrong to cause Lincoln to be like this. Nothing I found added up.  VERY few individuals could relate to what I was going through.  Seeing my friends little boy who is 3 days younger than my son, broke my heart.  Don't get me wrong I love that little boy , but he was doing everything I dreamed we would be doing with Lincoln.  We weren't though and the longer I dwell on the "what should have been," I delay helping my son.  I think this is the closest I've ever been to depressed. I'm a very happy go lucky person, but watching all the other 3 year olds progress and mine stay at a stand still hurt.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  
During this Zoo trip (Where most of the pictures for this post are from) I noticed he wouldn't look past the fence. It was as though he couldn't see anything past his little "cart". We had to rent because he wouldn't walk with us. I remember my husband saying "This was a bad idea!" and I snapped back that " He may not cooperate or enjoy it, but we're doing it because he has ever right to be at this zoo as any other kid. His sisters were loving the animals and squealing at them (they are 16 months here) , but Lincoln didn't even recognize them. He stayed blank majority of the day.  
Being a parent is HARD!  At this time I am a parent to 1 year old twin girls and a 3 year old possibly autistic son.  Everything I ever wanted was to be a mom, but being a mom of a special needs child never crossed my mind.  I waited for the milestones of speech , but they never came. It was expected, but life is funny and it never happened for Link. God thinks I'm super man, guess I better show him how super I can be.  


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