The holidays have been a struggle. I'm finding it hard to be optimistic lately, which isn't like me at all. I'm struggling to figure out what to do next with Lincoln. He is on another round of antibiotics for his month long ear infection currently. Hoping it clears it up this time! It's been a wild last few weeks, but tonight I broke down.
As I listened to Lincoln playing and refusing to sleep, I finally just went in and held him in his bed. He's getting so big though, that holding him down is a challenge. I laid their struggling to keep his head on the pillow while singing to him. Doing things like this and wondering if I will be doing this with a huge 15 year old boy in 12 years, scares me. He finally calmed down and laid beside me resting. I just held him and cried until his hair was soaking wet. I find myself praying and just repeating the same thing 500 times during the prayer " PLEASE BRING LINCOLN BACK TO ME! FIX HIM!" Right now tonight, I just feel cursed . I'm scared, I'm freaking out about what the future is going to be like, and I'm just plain ole' mad.
I can have a night like this every once in awhile, but I have to remain strong for him. I have to be optimistic for him. I have to do my best with what we've been given. Tomorrow is a new day and I will get back on track and believe in our plan, even if everyone else around me doesn't. I have to believe this isn't going to be our life forever. I have to keep trucking, because if I give up on him there is no one else to fight for him. I will be stronger because of this journey!! So tonight I weep, but tomorrow I will be coming out strong with my boxing gloves on for team Lincoln :)